Just so you know, this journal contains religious opinions. If you disagree with them and feel the need to punch me, pls don't D:

Some people get itchy about that sorta stuff and I believe America is a lot more Jesus crazed than we are so what I say here may make sense in British terms but be worthy of a stoning in your country.(: I actually don't know, just keep that in mind before you flame me. :C I don't mean to cause anguish, just speaking my mind.

And now! On with the journal.
Well I just had my first ever communion wine/bread thing... Aunty Alice and granny are really religious and I do go to church at Christmas with them and love the minister, he's just fab, so I went along this morning to the Sunday Service.

The first bit was fantastic, Tim (the minister) was talking about camping and we read a bit of the bile about... Jacob is it? When he was running from his brother and lay down to sleep and had a rock for a pillow and had a dream about a stairway (or a ladder) and Jesus made him a promise. I had a couple of questions but not ground shaking ones.

Then we started singing more and it was all about how crap humans are and how wonderful God is. Now if God is all mighty, all forgiving and all loving, I would have thought that we might be a little more equal in his eyes. If I was God and even if I had created this wonderful race of beings, I wouldn't want them to be constantly in the mud at my feet. I'd invite them up for tea and biccies and make them feel welcome - I wouldn't be content with them singing depressing psalms about how meek and miserable we are. I just think that perhaps that psalm was a bit off in its views.

Then it went on, we were all praying and hoping that God would forgive us for being so terrible at everything we do. I mean... What? I don't think I'm terrible at everything I do! I think I'm a fab artist and I make people happy, and I try my hardest to do so as well. Or am I being too selfish? When Tim says "we", are we praying for the entire human race and how terrible some people are?

And now I think about how bad outweighs good. Not in the world, I believe there are more good people than bad people, but in actions perceived by others. If you hit a dog, it will remember it for a long time. If you pet it and love it every evening, it won't. It's taking things for granted I suppose. Maybe a dog wasn't a good example but you know what I mean? A friend will remember you forgetting their birthday rather than how you took them out for coffee the day before and the years you have actually been their friend.

That's getting a little off topic though. After that came the communion wine and bread, which terrified me for some reason. Is it because I have sinned without knowing? Is it because I'm scared of what my upbringing has taught me in that if I don't elieve in God then I shall go to hell? Is it the fear that if I refuse to believe and then find I was wrong, that I won't be forgiven? Because I know I will.

Either way it scared me and the bread scratched my throat and the wine stung all the way down, and the Amen afterwards caught and didn't come out. I don't know if it's a sign, or just that I may not be as true a Christian as some, or that I et the bread wrong, but let's say I'm a little scared of Church now.

Now that I've shared that with you, dear reader, I shall move on to lighter subjects.

Time here is being well spent, building beds for Granny's new house, hanging pictures, laying carpets and that's just the past three days. I've drawn a picture for the AG as you can see, and updated Honey's petpage un supson, which I shall upload later when I've got my internet sorted on les mac.

Tomorrow Granny and I are going to a hat shop for her to get a new trim for hers and for me to hire one for the wedding. Then we're going to the council offices to ask if it's okay for me to wander around town painting the marvellous old buildings and streets, because everyone's terrified about terrorists just now. You'd think they could tell the difference between an art student and a terrorist but ah well.

Tim (the minister) was introduced to me by Granny and we had a nice chat about painting. He does watercolours himself whereas I prefer gouache, and he said he'd bring some to the service next week to compare with me. Which means I need to go out and paint. He asked if I'd paint the Church and I was planning to anyway because it's gorgeous, so I'll get to work on that in the week sometime when it's less stormy.

Gosh we had a thunderstorm, it was marvellous! I haven't heard thunder in ages. It lasted about ten minutes but it was great.

Granny's checking emails, Aunty Alice is sorting Sunday lunch and Fran is on the phone to her brother in regards to the wireless connection. Oh! I almost forgot.

Mum got her job offshore and was called five minutes before we arrived here on Thursday asking if she could be on a rig on Friday in Norwich. So she chucked me here then dashed off and she's been sending me emails because they get it free there. She's on some random rig in the North Sea washing walls and filling bowls full of biscuits and loving it. It's a bit surprising for us all, her disappearing like this, but it means she'll be here for the wedding, which is fab.

Mentally I'm fine, physically my body is wasting away. It has all the hallmarks of stress and anxiety but I don't feel it in my mind. I know I'm not content but I've got so good hiding negative feelings from everyone I've started doing it to myself, it would seem. I'm working hard at righting that doing as much good work as possible, going to bed at nine and getting up at eight, going for a walk every day, washing with coal tar soap, taking echinacea tablets, being polite, friendly, doing what I love and being positive. All that must be doing something, but my spots just keep getting worse... It could be being away from Rob for so long, although after only six months of being together and five weeks of being apart, you wouldn't think it possible... He's been on my mind nearly 24/7 though, that could indeed be the problem.

Well come three weeks we shall be reunited for a couple of days for my cousin's wedding and although he was only invited to the dance, it should be great. A couple of my favourite family members aren't going to be there but I saw Uncle Harry recently so that's some consolation.

Job-wise well... I can't say much. I spent all of Friday going round shops handing in my CV and asking if there were jobs actually going. All the art galleries, museums, libraries and other smaller galleries and retail shops I like (zavvi, game and gamestation) turned me away although one extraordinarily posh looking gallery tookmy CV more out of shock than anything, I think. I plan to go round coffee shops and hotels on Monday, although I detest waitressing.

If that fails I'm going to busk, sit in the street and paint and hope that someone will throw me a coin or show some interest. Oh I did find a weekend job that the lady seemed quite enthusaistic about me doing- Handing out free wine samples at a music festival next weekend and being paid for it.Couldn't get much better eh? She hasn't got back to me yet but fingers crossed - she sounded pretty desperate.

Well well my friend, I don't think there's much else to ramble on about. If you read this far then you really are great and I thank you deeply - you are why I am here on DeviantArt. (:

Oh as for you requests I hardly have any time to myself on the computer which isn't taken up by commenting on your journals/deviations or running errands on neopets, although I do have some sketches on the go. Same for trades, they have a higher priority however.

I'm afriad I'll love you and leave you, sorry for the length! Have a fab week!


xxxx
Mads


YAYSTUFF


Art trades:

1. l3lo0
2. bring_me_to_life__ (waiting on my half)
3. kookybat (gryphons |D)
4. zeik - maloir

Requests:

1. Deca - that pic i got
3. Morghie - [link]
6.QueenMuffin - Hell's Wings
7. Usi - comical moment between wb and mia (HO HO HO B333)
9. Mia - [link]
10. sybunny978 - o3o I can't remember... *will neomail*
11. laeliebelle

Okay I finished Honey's petpage and I have never been happier with a petpage. I think it's FAB. It flows too, the intro runs the whole way through. YESS.
>>[link]
Pls go look D: I might add the Lily Award on their later or make a new award and stick up the BC trophy she got.. That's just another section though, no bother.

T_T Why is it three days before I leave I start getting loads of RP requests with awesome people, arg!

The acara day pic will be in on the 28th which is the day I leave XD Oh well, I'll find out when I get down there I suppose.

Yeah, mum phoned and we had a conflab and after much deliberation decided we were going to drive down in one lump rather than staying overnight somewhere- hotels are too expensive. That means I'm catching a train at 9am I think and I can't really take a 21" G5 mac box on a train can I, so ma's coming on Saturday to take all my bags and boxes away. Two days without a computer, how am I going to surviiiveee D: Guess I'll brush up on my trad. :3

I didn't know I was taking my PC down until a couple of days ago so I'll reword the phrase I've been spewing everywhere: I'm leaving on Saturday for two months, but I'll be around a bit. XD

Except August. I won't be around then. o_o

SHALL I TELL YOU WHY I WON'T BE HERE FOR AGES?
Of course I will, it's my journals |3
Come July mum and I are going to Shrewsbury to live with my Aunty and granny so ma can get her life in gear a bit meanwhile I get a job in town because Grans house is walking distance from everywhere and dads isn't. I work for all of July and a week into August and hopefully earn about £1000.
Then second week of August, Rob and I are heading back up to my dad's house in Scotland (here) to spend a week campin on this secret beach on the estate my dad runs |3 yayprivatebeach. That's gonna be all kinds of win...
Then third and fourth week we're headed to France to stay in a chateaux in the Loire Valley with his family and their friends and his sisters and their respective partners... It's gonna be mad, I'm so nervous, I just know I'm going to make a dork of myself but hey, we'll see. :c Best just to relax and be myself and hope they like me \'D

Aand that's it I suppose. I cleaned the fish tank today while Ellie (stepsister) listened to Disney songs, it was hilarious XD One of the fish jumped out the bucket D8 I screamed like an idiot and nearly threw it onto their scanner XDDD

Your requests and stuff are on hiatus til I get back. These next few days I'm going to dedicate to my self portrait and my dad's birthday present (it's his birthday on sunday).

LALALA I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY :'D

have a good summer everyone! n___n I hope you all get reams of cash and lots of lovins, sunshine and laughs!

xxxx
Mads

YAYSTUFF


Art trades:

1. l3lo0
2. bring_me_to_life__
3. kookybat (gryphons |D)
4. zeik - maloir

Requests:

1. Deca (TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DRAW DEECAAAA ;O; )
3. Morghie - [link]
6.QueenMuffin - Hell's Wings
7. Usi - comical moment between wb and mia (HO HO HO B333)
9. Mia - [link]
10. sybunny978 - o3o I can't remember... *will neomail*
11. laeliebelle

This neomail is so full of win:
Dear Maddy, Congratulations! Your entry (Made out of Glue) has been selected to appear in a future issue of the Neopian Times. A shiny trophy has been added to your user lookup. Thank you for contributing to the Neopian Times! Yours Sincerely, The Neopets Team

|3

---

update 24th

You know what else is win? I got a striped pb for getting into the AG again with that Harkir picture. +400k for Mads! 8D That lab map is looking more and more feasible...

YAYSTUFF


Art trades:

1. l3lo0
2. bring_me_to_life__
3. kookybat (gryphons |D)
4. zeik - maloir
5. timeonlytells - nirahni

Requests:

1. Deca (TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DRAW DEECAAAA ;O; )
2. Deszcz - [link] Completed - [link]
3. Morghie - [link]
4. Sari - [link] - Complete [link]
5. Whiskey - Saltwater Taffy Complete: [link]
6.QueenMuffin - Hell's Wings
7. Usi - comical moment between wb and mia (HO HO HO B333)
8. silverspoch - [link] complete - [link]
9. Mia - [link]
10. sybunny978 - o3o I can't remember... *will neomail*
11. laeliebelle

My room smells AMAZING because the elderflower champagne is fermenting on the porch just outside. Mmmmmmm.

8D Usi submitted a deviation called Bandsonas and I was like "LOLWUT" then totally jumped on the wagon and now I'm doing it too. |D Hopefully I should have Sufjan Stevens and Boards of Canada now. GO THERE TO FIND OUT THE AWESOMENESS!
>><<

WB came fifth with 64 votes. First time I haven't placed! I'm a little irritated though because this really awesome yellow zaff entry that SHOULD have got first came third to a couple of shitey scribbles. MAN I hate it when that happens.

I'm leaving on Thursday! I just realised. For two months! Enjoy the lack of irritating Mads-journals. XD

8D To make this journal slightly longer and a lot more interesting.. Watch this: [link] it's ace.


YAYSTUFF


Art trades:

1. l3lo0
2.
3.
4.
5.

Requests:

1. Deca (TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DRAW DEECAAAA ;O; )
2. Deszcz - [link] Completed - [link]
3. Morghie - [link]
4. Sari - [link] - Complete [link]
5. Whiskey - Saltwater Taffy Complete: [link]
6.QueenMuffin - Hell's Wings
7. Usi - comical moment between wb and mia (HO HO HO B333)
8. silverspoch - [link] complete - [link]
9. Mia - [link]
10. sybunny978 - o3o I can't remember... *will neomail*

Or it's a break through, whichever floats your boat.

I finally worked out my self portrait composition and how to make it look awesome. It -may- end up being in film focus though, I'm not sure. I -really- need to do some serious sketchbook work on it.

For the background I'm going to use terragen and since they released the terragen2 beta, I've been doing tutorials of that. However my computer is not magical and renders take
for
ever
and I can't seem to get it right because I can't preview it because my computer's too normal to load it... So I might just have to do it in regular old terragen, which makes me sad because terragen 2 looks actually mental. Find out what I'm talking about here.

:C Big sad face for no terragen2.

I also sat myself down yesterday with a few cups of tea and blitzed Honey's petpage. It's just a set until I draw a picture more fitting to the music but it looks okay. It was fun playing with the coding.

I'll be uploading terragen renders and maybe some sketchbook stuff in the not too distant future I daresay. :3 Keep an eye out...

WB's still in the BC.

Uhh in other news, Rob got back from Norway on Saturday and mentioned being achey because of running which reminded me I need to sort myself out for wearing bikinis. So my new routine is to do an hour of work out every day, running or otherwise.. Stretches etc. We shall see how that progresses..

Also I was going to cut my hair but then I styled it a little today and it looks alright. I need a major fringe cut though.

|D Yay other-interesting-stuff-goes-here.

xxx
M

----

Art trades:

1. 131o0
2.
3.
4.
5.

Requests:

1. Deca (TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DRAW DEECAAAA ;O; )
2. Deszcz - [link] Completed - [link]
3. Morghie - [link]
4. Sari - [link] - Complete [link]
5. Whiskey - Saltwater Taffy Complete: [link]
6.QueenMuffin - Hell's Wings
7. Usi - comical moment between wb and mia (HO HO HO B333)
8. silverspoch - [link] complete - [link]
9. Mia - [link]
10. sybunny978 - o3o I can't remember... *will neomail*

---

Usi tagged me on the 6th of june and I didn't notice until now XDDD;

1) Nick Name(s): Mads, Maddington, Snowz, Snowy!
2) Who do you think you look like: My cousin said I looked like the gal in spiderman. :3 wossname.. Kirsten Dunst!
3) Birthday: Janurorgy 5th (topsy turvy day!)
4) Place of Birth and Current Location: Born in Inverness, aye! Currently sitting in a lil house on the north east coast of scotland. :3
5) Nationality: British. I'm a mongrel. |D
6) Astrology Sign: Capricorn baby!
7) Chinese Astrology: horse I think
8) Religion: jedi mate, innit
9) What's your favorite smell: honeysuckle or maybe poplar trees
10) Political Position: >_> uhh
11) What do you prefer to drink in the morning: cup o tea or a smoooooothie
12) Hair+Eye color: hair is ginger, eyes are blue |0
13) Do you look like anyone famous: I LOOK LIKE THAT MADDINGTON BEAR GIRL, SHE'S FAMOUS
14) Any unusual talents: ;O; No. I am completely un-talented.
15) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous: ambidextrous |D *twirls pencils*
16) What do you do for a living: :C I live off the scottish government. when i grow up i'll be an artist tho yaaaay gutter.
17) What do you do for fun: I eat small, many-legged things crawling in hedgerows.
18) What Kind of material do you like to use: chiffon. although photoshop is good and acrylics are fun.
19) What kind of materials would you like to work with: i think being a watercolour pro would be good fun, but learning and mastering programs like maya or terragen would be ace as well
20) What celebrity would you date if you could: i'm not exactly celebrity savvy but the naked chef would go down a treat! (that's jamie oliver btw - LIL BIT A NUTMEG MATE YEAH, LUUUUUVLIE)
21) Favorite place to be: on a beach with rob
22) Least favorite place to be: in ali's room, he always makes it so awkward and it smells funny ;o;
23) Do you burn or tan: a very confusing and painful mixture of both.
24) Ever break a bone: noo :C
25) What is your favorite cereal: I don't eat cereal much.. probably cheerios or frosties or something simple and boring like that
26) Person you cry with: ONLY ME, I NEVER CRY

Do You Have...

27) Any sisters: three step-sisters
28) Any brothers: one real blood brother, arg
29) Any pets: milo and thengill *huggles doggie and horsie*
30) An Illness: not right now no o3o
31) A visible birthmark: D: what's an invisible birthmark? (I have neither)
32) A pool or hot tub: IN SCOTLAND? I don't think so.
33) A car: WOE WOE WOE ;0; I used to until some twat went speeding into me and wrote it off four months after I passed my test T___T

Describe Your:
34) Personality: strong, logical, caring, striving for goodness and never managing to be normal.
35) Your clothing style: whatever falls out of the cupboard =3= although i do take great pleasure in baggyness and expensiveness.
36) Room: ye gods. I'd describe it more as a den.
37) Relationship with your parents: ma and i are best friends and dad and i don't know how to communicate feelings to each other yet
38) Do you believe in yourself: yeah i'm gonna kick everyone's ass.
39) Do you believe in love at first sight?: nnnoo

Do you:
40) Save your emails: ;O; no one ever emails me. i save the ones people send me yes, but over six years that grand totals at four.
41) Pray: no
42) Believe in reincarnation: I believe in the circle of life. *holds lion up to sunlight*
43) Brush your teeth twice a day: yeah but they still look like peanuts ToT
44) Like to talk on the phone: not really, i have this thing about phones.
45) Like to eat: i'm such a harsh critique i find it hard to enjoy an expensive meal but i actually love eating good food
46) Like to exercise: i did when i did it XD
47) Like to watch sports: i'm trying to get into football but it's hard ;o;
48) Sing in a car: when i was in my car i sang. i couldn't be in the driver's seat without singing.
49) Do you have nightmares: i haven't had a nightmare in a while but i have bad dreams, like when i wake up feeling sad rather than scared.
50) Sleep with a stuffed animal: I sleep with a REAL animal! depending on where i'm living, robert or milo. robert being a bear and milo being a dog.
51) Right next to you: What? Do I right next to me? D: I don't understand.
52) On your coffee cup: DDD: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
53) On your mouse pad: DO I WHAT ON WHAT MOUSE PAD?! AAH
54) Your favorite flavor of gum: those cool watermelon ones
55) Your brand of deodorant: sure crystal i think. whatever's on offer XD
56) Your dream honeymoon spot: either a secluded beach or france.
57) Your bad time of day: morning. g_____g
58) Your worst fear(s): hurting others, losing my parents/brother. ;_; ouch
59) What's the weather like: intermittent sun and rain.
60) What's your favorite time of year: spring, the entire bit of it
61) Your favorite holiday: CHRISTMAS. man i love christmas.. you get to see everyone and eat loads and get drunk and give presents.. BEST time of year EVER
62) A material weakness: ;0; clothes
63) The hardest thing about growing up: Not being able to relate to elders. Empathy is so hard.
64) Your scariest moment: XD prob being on a high ropes course or something
65) The worst feeling in the world: D: guilt
66) The Best feeling in the world: love :3
67) Who sent this to you: USI you slaaaag
68) What's your favorite color: blue, green, orange
69) If you could do anything you'd like to be, what would it be: something cool to do with animals and being rich :c
70) What's your favorite food: i love - and i mean -love- - sushi as a snack. not as a meal, too much, but I could sit in a yo sushi bar and spend an entire month's bursary easy peasy :c have to do it with a friend tho
71) What's your favorite yaoi pairing: favourite whatnow pairing? o_o
72) Are you a morning or an evening person: when my life is in order, morning.
73) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: nothing. i'm perfect the way I am. C:
74) Reality or Fantasy: a healthy mixture of the two! call that dog to heel, boy
75) Tag 7 people: 7?! you crazy! D: Do if you want to people, these things are common XD